SEVEN

When the alarm went off the next morning, Jessie turned it off right away, so it wouldn’t startle Nick. Behind her, he groaned and snuggled closer. She smiled at the thought that, in all the years they’d known each other, this was the first night they’d slept together. It warmed her throughout to wake in his arms, but she had to get up and get to work.

Laying her hand on his thigh, she shook him and said, “Nick. Time to wake up. I have to go to work.”

“I don’t for quite a while,” he returned.

“You have work to do?” she asked in astonishment.

“Thanks to you, I have a roof over my head.” He kissed her shoulder lightly. “But I still have to put food on the table. I have to do some research later.”

The memory of their argument last night flashed across her mind, and she questioned him. “Aren’t you even going to complain about my job?”

“What good would it do? You’ll do what you want to, anyway.” After giving her a brief hug, he rolled onto his stomach. “As long as you feel well enough—and you promise to be careful—I won’t say anything. Just call me around dinnertime. Right now, I’ve got to get some sleep. I spent half the night worrying about the woman I love.”

Jessie got out of bed and went into her bathroom to shower. She was still sore, but it wasn’t as bad as the night before. There were deep bruises on her cheekbone and above her eye, as well as on her knees. Besides the bruises, her knees had nasty carpet burns on them. In the shower, she discovered how sensitive they were and decided to wear neither slacks nor pantyhose. She should probably make do with only eye makeup for a few days, too. Not only was there a cut on her forehead, there was also a small cut under the opposite eye. She must have been in more of a daze than she thought last night if she hadn’t noticed it then.

But the most painful injury was still her neck. How would she ever spend the day hunched over a desk in search of that missing document? That wasn’t even taking into consideration the performance of her regular duties.

Bracing herself for a long, exhausting day, Jessie dressed in a short, brightly flowered muumuu with a pink background. She didn’t want to move her neck, much less contort it while she blow-dried and styled her hair, so she left it to dry naturally. After a large glass of chocolate milk, she made a pot of coffee for Nick and left the house.

On her way to work, she realized that Nick had almost a complete change of heart concerning her job. Last night he’d practically demanded that she quit, yet that morning he accepted it—and it wasn’t a grudging acceptance. He’d just wanted her to be careful. Why? she wondered as she parked her car. Was he up to something again?

Without paying attention to what she was doing, she locked her car and went into the building. The people she passed stared at her curiously, but she paid only enough attention to know that they noticed her injuries. Her thoughts were centered on Nick.

Why had he carried that tape with him all evening? Why even take it out of his recorder? He’d shown it to her and said it was proof that she’d called him. But why would he need proof? And why would he play with it while he was so deep in thought? Unless, …

Something was on the tape that Nick hadn’t told her about. Maybe it had something to do with why he thought her job was so dangerous. It might even explain why he’d wondered about her boss not driving her home. Maybe he’d heard voices other than hers on the tape. The nerve of him to keep something like that from her!

She would have to confront him about it when she called him. But would he tell her what he was hiding? Probably not. Somehow, she had to get that tape and listen to it.

But getting her hands on it wouldn’t be easy. Nick had been awfully protective of that tape, and she hadn’t even asked to see it. Besides, even if she did ask to hear it now, he probably wouldn’t let her. After their confrontation last night, he would probably keep any information on it a secret from her until he got whatever proof he felt he needed.

That led to only one conclusion. If she wanted to hear Nick’s tape, she had to steal it.

Jessie pressed the button by the door then pushed the door open when a buzzer sounded. Entering the office, she greeted the receptionist. “Morning, Rachel.”

“My God, Jessie!” exclaimed the young woman with dark red hair sitting behind the desk. “What happened to you?”

“Let’s just say that yesterday wasn’t one of my better days,” Jessie replied as she sank into a chair in the corner. “Man! I didn’t think I was going to be this sore today. Just moving is a real effort.”

“Maybe you should go home.”

Jessie flapped her hand as though shooing away a fly. “There’s nothing to do there, anyway. Besides, I have to find that document.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look very good.”

“I like you, too,” Jessie quipped as she rubbed her neck.

“What happened, anyway?” Rachel asked.

“I got sick here yesterday,” Jessie explained with a grimace. “I passed out and hit my head. Then when I got home, I had a run-in with the stairs.” Jessie wasn’t sure where that excuse had come from, but she decided to stick with it for now.

“The stairs! Jessie, you live on the tenth floor. Surely, you didn’t try to walk that after you’d fainted.”

Jessie had never been good at lying, and her slip proved it. There must be some explanation for her to have been on the stairs. “I went to see if my friend on the eighth floor had any aspirin for my headache.”

“When are you going to learn that there are times when you need the elevator? Like when you’re sick.”

“Maybe after last night.” Pushing herself up with a groan, Jessie wandered toward the hallway, down which her office was located. “I’ll talk to you again later. Right now, I have a ton of stuff to do.”

She’d barely put her purse in the bottom drawer when Gary stopped in the doorway. “Morning, Jessie. How are you th…” He stopped instantly when she looked up at him. “Good Lord! What happened to you?”

“Maybe I should make a sign and hang it around my neck,” she complained. “I fell down some stairs, all right?”

“That fall bruised more than your face,” he returned with a grin. “It bruised your disposition, too. What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.” She examined him silently while he sat down in the chair beside her desk. Maybe she wouldn’t need to steal the tape from Nick after all. “Were you here at the office yesterday afternoon?”

“Me? No, of course not. Why?”

“Just curious.”

“I thought you were going to be here.”

“I was.”

“Then why ask if I was here?” A suspicious expression came to his dark blue eyes. “Did those injuries really come from a fall? Or did something happen while you were working yesterday?”

“Something happened, all right. I got sick as a dog. I passed out and hit my head. I don’t know for sure how long I was out, but I finally came to about four-thirty.”

“Then you should have known I wasn’t here. I wouldn’t leave you like that. I would have taken you to the hospital.”

“That’s what I told Nick, but …”

When she stopped mid-sentence, his eyes narrowed. His brows furrowed in suspicious concern. “Nick Ramsdale? The man you were telling me about Saturday?”

“Yes.” Deciding to bait Gary, Jessie continued. “He said I’d called him to pick me up, but he couldn’t understand why I didn’t just have you take me home. And he kept waving a tape in front of me. Said it was proof of my call.”

“He felt he needed to prove that you’d called him? Why?”

“I didn’t remember making the call. I guess he felt he needed to remind me.” She shrugged and grimaced at the pain that shot through her neck. She needed to remember that she was so sore, although she couldn’t very well forget it when she was reminded every time she moved. After a heavy sigh, she admitted, “Unfortunately, it didn’t work. To this minute, I have no recollection of talking to him on the phone.”

“If he had a tape, you probably talked to an answering machine.”

“I don’t even remember doing that.”

“So why was he waving the tape at you?”

“Darned if I know. I don’t even know why he didn’t leave it on his machine. The only thing I can figure is that he wanted to keep it for some reason. And I think it had something to do with him asking me about you not taking me home.”

Gary wrung his hands and began to pace. Jessie’s suspicion shot to the surface in that instant. As far as she knew, Gary had never been one to act nervously. At least, he never had when she was around. But he was acting nervous now, and if he was acting nervous, something was up with him, too. Then he closed her office door.

Oh, no! she thought frantically. Now she was going to have to fight him off like she had Todd, and she didn’t think she had the stamina for another encounter like that. What had she gotten herself into by telling him what she had? Her eyes widened in horror when he approached her desk again.

Stopping short, Gary stared at her suspiciously. “What’s the matter, Jessie? You look like you’re going to be attacked—again.”

She fought to control the hysteria building in her by gripping the arms of her chair. How had he known that she’d been attacked? Had he done something to her the day before? Is that why she couldn’t remember calling Nick? Had the injury on her head come from Gary and not a desk? If only she could learn to keep her mouth shut when she should!

Wait a minute! Why was she panicking? Gary was her boss, and he had every reason to be in that office—whether she knew he was there or not. She was just overreacting because Nick was so paranoid about her working with top secret material. Not to mention, she couldn’t forget Todd’s assault.

“Is that what happened to you, Jessie?” he asked, his voice taking on a fatherly concern. “Did somebody get in here and attack you yesterday?”

“No,” she replied in a cracking voice. “As far as I know, I was alone.”

“Damn it, Jessie,” he said, slamming his fist on her desk. “I told you not to come here alone. I told you to wait until somebody else was here, too. But no! You had to play the independent, stubborn woman and find that missing document. I told you that I know you couldn’t have taken it. What else do you want from me?”

“The document,” she proclaimed. “And stop hitting the desk. I have a headache.”

“Then go home. You don’t look well, anyway.”

“That’s because I’m not wearing makeup. I didn’t want my cuts to get infected. I’ll probably look this bad until the scabs come off, too, because that’s when I’ll wear makeup again.”

“I still say you should go home.”

“And I still say I’m staying,” she insisted. “I want to find that document, Gary. I have to clear my name. Can’t you understand that?”

“Okay,” he agreed. “You can stay. But if you don’t feel better by noon, I’ll take you home. Is that clear?”

“Too. If you don’t mind, I want to get to work.”

“One more thing. Did your friend say anything about hearing voices on that tape? Is that why he was waving it in front of you?”

Jessie forced herself to remain calm. She didn’t like the sound of his voice, but his questions were perfectly natural under the circumstances. She couldn’t overreact to Gary’s interrogation just because Nick was acting irrationally where her job was concerned. Steeling herself for even more questions, she answered with only slight irritation in her voice. “I don’t know why. He wouldn’t say, and I didn’t ask.”

“Jessie Nelson,” he said paternally.

“Honest,” she replied. “I don’t know what was on the tape. I don’t even know if it had my voice on it—let alone others. The thing could have been a blank one that he was using to prove a point.” She stopped again when she noticed his suspicious expression. “And no, I don’t know what point it could be. All I know is that he doesn’t like me working here.”

“Why not?”

“He thinks it’s a dangerous job,” she explained with another casual shrug. “I tried to explain that it wasn’t, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“I told you when I hired you that the potential was there,” he reminded her. “Holding a top-secret clearance puts you on a number of subversive lists. Why would you deny it?”

“Because of Nick. He’s a spy novelist, and he’s letting all the stuff he writes go to his head. I told him that, too. Could we just drop this?”

“Absolutely not. If there was somebody in here with you, I have …”

“But there wasn’t. I would have heard him if there had been. Let’s just get to work.”

“In a minute. How can I get in touch with Ramsdale? I want to hear that tape.”

Jessie rose stiffly and wandered around her desk. “He’s in the phone book. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to finish what I started yesterday.”

Without stopping, she left her office. She didn’t like being behind that closed door with Gary. He was asking too many questions, and she didn’t want to say more than she already had. As Nick had pointed out, she wasn’t very big. She wasn’t sure she could handle Gary any better than she had Todd.

She sighed as she entered the vault. If nothing else, the disagreement she’d had with Todd had taught her one thing. Nick was right. She might not be able to take care of herself if it came down to that. As she pulled the file from the day before out of the safe filing cabinet, she recalled that she’d managed to dodge Todd several times before Nick came to her rescue.

But those last few were the operative words:  Nick came to her rescue. He’d saved her from possible death, although she doubted Todd would have gone that far. But Nick had proven that it was likely she could never fend off the full-fledged attack of any man who felt he had to silence her.

Trying to free her mind of the terrifying event, Jessie took the folder back to her office and got out her log. Now to check the paperwork in the file.

After a half an hour of meticulous checking, Jessie sat back in shock. One of the documents in that file was missing, too. She had logged it in, and now it was gone. Just like the other one! How had it happened? In the process of trying to find one piece of top secret material, she’d lost a second. How many others were there? And would all of them have her signature on the log sheet? After all, she wasn’t the only one who logged in the classified material. So did Blaine Cooper, the ranking NCO.

If she hadn’t been in trouble before, she was now. That made two top secret documents that had disappeared in one week—and she had handled both of them. She was ultimately the responsible individual.

A sudden, blinding headache consumed her. Crossing her arms on the papers covering her desk, she laid her head on them. It was no wonder her headache increased so unexpectedly. The stress was almost more than she could bear. With an unexpected idea, she got up and went to the entry office.

“Rachel,” she said softly from the doorway, “I have a terrible headache. I’m going to lock my door and take a nap before I go home. Would you make sure I’m not disturbed?”

“Maybe I should drive you home.”

“That won’t be necessary. I had a rough night last night. I’m sure all I need is a little sleep. After I get that, I’ll be able to drive.”

“If you’re sure,” Rachel said.

Behind her locked office door, Jessie searched the file again. That document was definitely gone. She picked up the phone and dialed her home number. It rang several times before her answering machine picked up. Nick was probably already gone, anyway, so she hung up. She hadn’t thought of it before, but she needed to get his cell phone number. That way she could get hold of him no matter where he was.

She leafed through the papers again, but nothing had changed—not that she’d expected it to. She called home again in case he’d just been in he shower, but Nick still didn’t answer.

Jessie laid her head down again. If only she could remember what she’d done with the document. With both documents. Then another thought came to her. What if her memory loss concerning the documents was related to her not remembering her call to Nick? Probably not, considering she’d been so sick yesterday afternoon.

Besides, he could have said that to get information by baiting her with the tape—just like she had baited Gary. Why had she done that, anyway? Gary was in charge of the office. He was perfectly within his rights to be suspicious of Nick’s actions. He had every right to know what was on the tape.

Still, that didn’t stop her suspicions concerning Colonel Garver. He wouldn’t be the first officer to pass military secrets to the enemy. Unfortunately, the same could be said for her. When the authorities found out about this and questioned her, she would have to be honest. She simple couldn’t remember anything about the documents once she’d logged them in.

Jessie tried dialing home again but received no answer. She tried Nick’s number. Again,  no answer. This time not even the answering machine came on. Where was he, anyway? Maybe if she could track him down, … Taking the phone book from her drawer, she looked up Steve’s number and dialed it. On the third ring, a woman answered.

“Hello,” Jessie returned. “Is Steve there?”

“Just a minute.”

In seconds, Steve came on the line. “Hello?”

“Steve? It’s Jessie Nelson. Do you know where Nick went today?”

“Sorry. He just said something about some suspicious character he wanted to check up on.”

So that was it! Nick was trying to find some dirt on Todd. There could be no other explanation. But what kind of dirt? “He didn’t tell you anything else, did he?”

“Nothing—except that you got hurt last night. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better.” She paused momentarily to indicate that she was changing the subject. “Would you do me a huge favor? Would you see if you can track him down? It’s really important that I talk to him, and he didn’t turn on his answering machine this morning.”

“All right, but I’m not sure where to look.”

“He’s an author. Start with the library.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

“I shouldn’t even be making this phone call from my office. I’ll be home around twelve-thirty. You can tell him to call me there if you get hold of him.” She paused a moment, not really satisfied with her instructions. “On second thought, have him meet me there. Only call if you can’t get hold of him.”

“Will do.”

“Thanks a lot, Steve.”

Once more Jessie laid her head on her arms. Now for that nap she’d told Rachel she was taking.

When Jessie woke up, it was five minutes past twelve. She had just enough time to get home and meet Nick. Going to Gary’s office, she discovered that he was gone, so she went to tell Blaine Cooper. He wasn’t in, either. And neither was Rachel or Gary’s secretary.

After locking the file folder and papers in her desk, Jessie left and locked her office door again. Such an act was totally foreign to her. Normally, she put everything away, but for some reason she couldn’t explain, she felt it was better this way today. After writing a note, she taped it to Rachel’s phone then left.

She searched the parking lot where she’d thought she’d parked, but her car wasn’t there. That was odd. She was sure she’d parked in that section. Maybe she’d just forgotten because of her headache. She looked some more but couldn’t find her Mazda. Completely confused, she went back into the building and called the post security police.

“Is there a problem, ma’am?” the man who answered the phone asked.

“Yes,” she replied as anxiety engulfed her. “I can’t find my car. I left it in the lot this morning, but it’s gone. Apparently, it’s been stolen.”

“Where are you now?” Jessie gave him the building number, floor, and the name of her office. “All right. Somebody will be there in a few minutes.”

As she was hanging up, Rachel returned from lunch, followed almost immediately by Blaine and Gary. Embarrassed to tell them what had happened, Jessie explained that she was leaving for the day. Then she went outside the secured offices to await the policeman.

To Jessie’s embarrassment, they located her car two rows closer to the building than she’d thought she’d parked. After thanking the officer, she got into her Mazda, noting that the door had been unlocked. But she didn’t dare say anything. If she did, the officer would think she was a real loony, ready to be carted off to the nearest bin. He already had evidence of her memory lapses. She didn’t need to give more credence to her problem in case there was a formal investigation into the missing documents.

EIGHT

Jessie paced her condo for three hours. Where was Nick, anyway? Why hadn’t he come like she’d asked? He could have at least called. Surely, Steve had gotten hold of him or Steve would have called her like she’d asked. At least, she’d thought he would. So many years had passed, she couldn’t be as sure about Steve’s actions as she was about Nick’s.

A knock on her door startled her. After a moment of hesitation, she rushed to answer it, happily calling Nick’s name. Instead of finding Nick outside her door, Todd stood in the hall with a dozen white roses.

Disappointed that it wasn’t Nick, she questioned Todd angrily. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to apologize,” he explained as he handed her the flowers. “I even brought white roses as a symbol of truce. Can we talk?”

Deep in her heart, she knew she should agree, but after last night, she didn’t particularly want to be alone with him. The memory of his assault was too fresh to even consider being alone with him.

“Thanks for the roses, Todd,” she said after a few seconds of silence, “but I’m not ready to talk to you. You terrorized me last night, and I can’t forget that it happened as easily as you seem to think. At the moment, I’m not even sure I can forgive it.”

“Please let me explain, Jessie,” he begged. “Maybe then you can understand what came over me.”

She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to so much as see him right now. But he owed her an explanation, and the only way she would get it was by letting him have his say.

“All right,” she agreed as she stepped back to let him in. “But you only have five minutes, and I’m not closing the door.”

“Completely understandable.”

Ignoring him, Jessie stalked into the kitchen and took a vase from her cupboard. The entire time, she was aware of Todd’s presence as she put water then the flowers into the vase.

“You know I never got married,” he said as she went about her chore, “but I never told you why. I was engaged to a very young lady. She was nineteen, beautiful, sexy, funny, smart—everything I’d been looking for. We even started living together. Anyway, I’d been away on business. I came home early and caught her in bed with another man. I flew into a rage then, too. But they were actually making love.”

Jessie took the flowers to the living room and set them on the coffee table. When she turned around to go back to the kitchen, Todd was right behind her. Panic flooded through her, and she backed away from him two steps. “I don’t want to hear this, Todd.”

“I just want to explain why I went off the deep end last night. When I saw you and Ramsdale …”

“If you hadn’t come into my home uninvited, you wouldn’t have seen anything. But no,” she said accusingly, “you just barged in. You invaded my privacy. You forced my best friend to leave. You had the unmitigated gall to assault me. And you come back today expecting me to forgive and forget? I don’t know how you can even think that I’d want to, especially this soon.”

“I’m trying to apologize, honey,” he returned, taking her left hand in his. When he moved to toy with the diamond ring on her finger and discovered it gone, he shot his startled gaze to her face. “Where’s my ring? Why did you take it off?”

Jerking her hand from his gentle grasp, she glared at him. The very last thing she wanted right now was for him to touch her. It sent a shocking volt of revulsion through her that she couldn’t deny. But she kept her voice even as she replied, “I can’t think straight when it sparkles in my eyes every time I move my hand. Can’t you understand how confused I am?”

“I’m the one who’s confused. You were making out with another man—and liking it, for God’s sake.”

“Of course, I liked it. Nick was gentle and kind. He didn’t assault me like you did. He didn’t threaten to strangle me. He showed me tenderness and love last night, Todd—which is more than I can say for you. All you showed me was violence and fear. How can you expect me to keep wearing your ring after that?”

“Are you saying that you want to break our engagement?”

“I don’t know what I want right now,” she admitted. “I made a commitment to you and taking off your ring doesn’t change that. What happened doesn’t change that feeling so quickly, either. But you seriously damaged our relationship last night. I don’t trust you, and you can hardly blame me.”

“What about my trust in you?” he demanded. “For God’s sake, Jessie! I found you in another man’s arms. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen any more than you can pretend that I didn’t lose control.”

“I don’t expect you to. That’s one reason I’m so surprised that you came by today. I didn’t expect to see you for quite a while.”

“I told you that I’d call.”

“Call,” she returned, “not show up unannounced. Now it’s time for you to go.”

“But my five minutes aren’t up yet.”

“Maybe not, but I’m not comfortable being alone with you. I’m afraid I’ll say something that will make you mad again. And quite frankly, I don’t have the energy—or the mobility—to fight you off again. Now either you get out, or I’ll start screaming. Just the attention from that ought to put your U.S. Senate career plans on hold for quite a while.”

“All right,” he hastily agreed, “I’ll leave. But first I want to know what happened at the office today. Gary called me at work and said that you weren’t well. Some cop was worried about you not being able to find your car and reported it to Gary. Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” she said. “I’m still shaken from last night. Now get out of here.”

“Okay, okay. But I’ll be back, Jessie. I swear I will.”

“Just call before you come, because next time I might not let you in. I wouldn’t want you to waste your time coming here just to find out that I still don’t feel comfortable around you.”

As soon as Todd was out the door, Jessie closed it and turned the dead bolt lock. Then she collapsed back against it. That was close. She’d almost lost control, but she’d made it through their conversation. And she was relatively proud of herself for not letting her inner fear show.

“I’m really proud of the way you handled that, Jess,” Nick praised as he rounded the kitchen corner.

“Nick!” After giving him a tight, welcoming hug, she grabbed his wrist and led him into the living room. They sat down on the couch, and Nick draped his arm around her shoulders. She snuggled against him, admitting, “I thought you’d never get here. Where have you been?”

“Checking out a lead.” He kissed her briefly then questioned her in concern. “Steve said you sounded like this was an emergency. What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t find my car,” she explained, cringing at the thought of her mistake. “I wanted to come home, but my car wasn’t where I thought I’d left it. I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find it, so I went back to the office and called security. The officer and I found it a couple rows from where I thought it was.”

“That doesn’t sound too serious.”

“That alone doesn’t. But when you add up everything else that’s been …” Jessie paused. This was the first time she’d considered this, and her thoughts startled her. She was probably overreacting, but saying the words aloud to Nick would probably clear her mind, as well as explain what she suddenly suspected. “Well, some very strange things have been happening lately. I lost that document, you know. And then yesterday I got sick at work and passed out. I don’t remember calling you, but you insist that I did. Today I found out that another document is missing—from the folder I was checking when I got sick.”

Nick released gasp of shock, and Jessie smiled, relieved that he’d responded in that manner. Obviously, he didn’t like what she was saying any better than she did.

“It sounds awful, doesn’t it,” she agreed. “That’s not the end of it, either. I told Gary about you asking why he didn’t take me home yesterday. And boy, did he get suspicious! He asked all kinds of questions about you. And he started pacing—like he was really nervous about something.”

“What kind of questions did he ask?”

“I don’t remember for sure—just like I don’t remember what I did with those documents, like I don’t remember calling you. I remember he sounded suspicious, though. And I can’t understand why I didn’t remember where I parked my car at work. I’ve never done that before. The policeman and I found it just two rows away from where I’d parked it! I’d already checked that row, too. The way I see it two things could have happened. I just couldn’t find it—or I didn’t recognize it.”

She pushed away from him and grasped his forearm, gazing at him with troubled brown eyes. Nick stared back at her, startled by her reaction. But the panic in her voice and the passion in her words made his heart race with rage over what was happening to her.

“All of a sudden, I’m scared, Nick. What if these lapses of memory are black-outs? What if I have a second personality that’s stealing military secrets and selling them to the Soviets?”

Unable to stop himself, Nick laughed. It was a natural reaction that always happened when he was nervous about something as serious as what Jessie suggested. But when he saw her distressed expression, he toned his laughter down to a chuckle and apologized. He could only hope that she believed his words—because he sure as hell didn’t, not completely, anyway.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” he said, “but you’ve got to admit that’s a ludicrous idea. You only have one personality, sweetheart. And the only black-out you’ve had was when you hit your head.”

“Then explain my car,” she demanded.

“You’ve had a lot on your mind lately. Maybe somebody asked to borrow it and you forgot that you let them.”

“My keys were in my hand when I left the office.”

Nick didn’t like hearing that at all. If she had her keys and her car had been missing, that meant somebody else had her keys, too. To keep her from overreacting, he replied as calmly as he could. “Anybody could have been using your car.”

“Are you referring to the people in my office?” she asked in amazement. “Come on, Nick. If you believe that, you really have let those books you write go to your head. Those people wouldn’t have top secret clearances if they would do something like that. Taking somebody’s car without their permission is grand larceny, not a misdemeanor. And people who commit felonies aren’t given clearances.”

“All right,” he granted. “You’ve got a valid point. But that doesn’t mean you have dual personalities. Somebody could be gaslighting you.”

“Gaslighting me?” she explained in shock. “Why would anybody want me to think I’m going crazy?”

“To force you into confessing to a crime you didn’t commit.”

Jessie wandered to the patio, so Nick joined her and let his gaze follow hers. In the distance he could see the mountains that she always claimed gave her solace. Maybe if he took her for a drive in them it would help.

A moment after she stopped at the side railing, Nick slid his arms around her shoulders and hugged her. She laid her hands on his arms. With a contented sigh, she laid her head back on his chest. In an instant, joy swept through him. He could tell by the way she was acting that she felt safe with him, just like in old times.

Then her skeptical voice drifted to his ears. “I really do prefer your theory, Nick, but how can you be sure? For all you know, I could be covering up any black-outs I’ve had by telling you that I fainted and hit my head.”

Nick rubbed her shoulders caressingly and kissed her hair. “The only covering up you did was that cut on your forehead with a Band-Aid.”

“I could have faked it.”

“You’ve never faked anything, Jess.” Turning her to face him, he toyed with a lock of her dark red hair silently for several seconds. What was it Steve had told him? If he wanted a whirlwind romance, he couldn’t let Jessie forget the good times they’d had for even a moment. But this wasn’t the opportune time to bring up the past. Then again, if he worded it right, it might help to relieve some of her tension. When he continued, he spoke in a low, seductive tone. “In fact, the most important thing in our relationship, something that you could easily have faked, was very real. You told me so yourself.”

“That was six years ago, Nick. I’m talking about the present.”

“You’re talking nonsense, sweetheart—fiction,” he said as he drew her close again.

Jessie’s heart felt as if someone had torn it in two. She wanted Nick to be with her right now, but he’d been the cause of her problems with Todd. And what if Todd was watching from the parking lot? He would never forgive her; he would never want to marry her. But did she really want him to anymore?

Nick might have saved her from a man who would become increasingly violent—not that threatening to strangle her wasn’t violent enough. She hadn’t even protested when Nick had taken off her ring and put it in his pocket. She’d accepted it without a single question or complaint. Any other time, she would have been furious with him.

And Nick’s presence was so reassuring. Every time he held her, she felt safe, comfortable—and loved. She also felt sane again, when the rest of the time she could swear that her sanity was slipping away.

Not wanting to break the serenity surrounding her, she asked, “Nick? Do you still have the tape you told me had my call on it?”

“Of course. Why?”

“I want to hear it. I need to know that I really did call you. I need to know that I’m not losing my mind.”

“I can’t play it for you, honey. Not yet, anyway.”

“Why not?” she asked, even though she was afraid of the answer. “Did I say something incriminating?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why can’t I hear it?”

“There’s more to it than just a phone call.”

“What about Gary? Would you let him listen to it? He already told me that he wants to.”

“Who’s Gary?”

“My boss,” she explained. “He said he was going to try to call you.”

He held her at arms’ length to study her expression in the hope of finding a hint of the meaning behind her words. All he saw in her dark eyes, however, was the same innocence that he’d seen the first day of class twelve years earlier. It was the same look of innocence that he’d seen the night of their first date. He’d taken her and Steve to Joe’s house, where he’d been living until Joe returned from a business trip, for a picnic on the beach. It was the same look of innocence that she’d had when he’d carried her to bed six years ago. And it was that same look of innocence that he’d fallen hopelessly in love with, because it wasn’t just a look. Jessica Nelson truly was innocent, even after her marriage.

“I love you, Jess,” he whispered. Unable to restrain his passion, he bent over her and captured her lips with his.

Jessie wanted to get involved in his kiss. Oh, how she wanted to! But she couldn’t wrest her mind from her problems this time. She needed Nick as she never had before, yet she needed him in a different way.

Even as he drew her into his secure embrace again, she tried to give herself over to his passion. As his tongue entered her mouth to clash with hers, she longed to give him what he wanted. But her body wouldn’t listen to either her mind or her heart, like it hadn’t since the night they reunited.

Nick was the only man who had ever made her want more than just necking. Still, she couldn’t give herself to him. Why not? Was she afraid of being with him for the rest of her life? Was she afraid she would lose him like she had Joe? Or was there something more behind her fear?

While Nick kissed her, an unexpected thought came to Jessie. He had come back into her life only days after she’d lost that first document. Could he be involved? He knew an awful lot about espionage. Maybe he’d decided to use her innocence to get top secret information.

What a ridiculous notion! Nick Ramsdale was an honorable man. At least, he had been eleven years ago. But six years ago, he’d shown her exactly how forceful he could be. Six years ago, he’d used her innocence, and she’d had a child to remind her of it. He could be using her naiveté again.

Pushing away, she gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. “No! I won’t let you do it.”

He stared at her in shock, unable to understand her reaction. He knew he wasn’t exciting her as he had before, but he’d thought she would come around soon. Yet the tone of her voice told him that she wasn’t talking about him kissing her. Curious, he questioned her slowly. “Won’t let me do what?”

“Use me,” she declared. “I won’t let you do it.”

“I don’t want to use you, Jess.” Even though he longed to reach out and comfort her, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I want to love you, and that’s all I’ve been doing.”

“No. You’ve been using me. Everybody uses me, because I’m too stupid to see it before it’s too late.” Drawing in a deep breath, she vowed, “I’m making a new rule in my life. I’m never going to trust anybody again—not for the rest of my life.”

“You’re not stupid. Naive maybe, but not stupid. And I don’t want to use you. I don’t even understand how you could suggest it. You know me better than that. If I were a user, I never would have given you up so easily—twice. I would have fought to get everything out of you that I could.”

“You did!” she exclaimed. “And Nicky’s proof.”

His heart broke. She couldn’t believe his love was so close to the surface that he didn’t hurt over the loss of their child. “Don’t bring Nicky into this, Jess. He has nothing to do with what’s bothering you. You’re just using him to hurt me. And you’re succeeding, because it hurts like hell.”

Jessie watched a tear slide down Nick’s cheek. He was right. Even if it hadn’t been intentional, she had used their son to hurt him. How could she have done such a thing? She’d never been a vicious person, yet she had just inflicted the most painful injury to a person that she could think of. What was happening to her? She was turning into somebody she didn’t even know.

“Oh, Nick!” she cried out, hugging him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This problem at work is turning me into somebody I could easily hate. And you know I’m not a hateful person.”

Nick rubbed her back in a circular motion. “I know you’re not, sweetheart. I even know you didn’t mean what you said about Nicky, but I couldn’t let you get away with it. I had to let you know how I felt. I don’t ever want to hide my feelings from you again, Jess. I want everything out in the open with us.”

“What if I can’t do that?” she asked.

“It doesn’t matter. I know I’ve hidden things from you in the past—important things that I should have told you. But I swear, Jess, I’ll be open and honest with you from now on. I don’t care if you can do it with me or not.”

Without releasing him, she lifted her head to gaze up into his green eyes. “If you mean that, let me hear the tape.”

“I wish I could, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re already under a lot of stress.”

“There are voices other than mine on it, aren’t there.”

“Absolutely not,” he said, the firmness of his voice telling her it was the truth.

“Then what’s on it? And don’t tell me nothing, because I can tell by the look on your face it would be a lie.”

“Let’s go sit down first.” With his arm around her shoulders, he led her to the couch, where they once again sat down. Taking her hand in his, he tenderly rubbed the back of it with his thumb. “You’re right, honey. There is more on the tape than just your voice, but it isn’t other voices. You passed out while you were on the phone. I heard you drop the phone, and I heard you fall. That was probably when you hit your head.”

“Then it really happened?”

“It happened, sweetheart,” he vowed. “On our son’s grave it happened.”

“Thank God. So why can’t I hear it?”

Nick grinned. “Did I just hear you swear, Mrs. Nelson?”

“You know I don’t swear,” she replied. “I was thanking God. Now why can’t I hear it?”

Turning serious again, Nick said, “There was even more on that tape, which is why I kept it. Jessie, somebody was there with you. I didn’t lie when I told you there were no other voices—but there were footsteps.”

Grasping both of his hands, Jessie gazed at him with a pleading expression. “I want you to do me a favor, Nick. I want you to find out what’s going on. You’re a writer. You know about espionage and spies, because you’ve researched it extensively. I’ll pay you five hundred dollars a day to act as a private investigator. That means you can’t trust anybody—including me. You have to be impartial. Do you think you can?”

“Where you’re concerned?” he exclaimed. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I’m serious, Nick,” she responded. “Maybe deadly serious, if someone is trying to gaslight me.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll take it on one condition. I don’t want the money. Let’s start right now by making out a list of suspects.”